Terrible Things
by perfecteyesandperfectaim
Summary: Songfic to Terrible Things by Mayday Parade. Brittany is left to explain the past to her son, but can she take looking back at her life? I am terrible at summaries. o.o Rating for mention of suicide.


I haven't uploaded anything in a while now. So I may be adding some new stories in the next coming weeks. So keep an eye out for that.

_As always, I do not own Glee, characters related to Glee. Or Mayday Parade and their song 'Terrible Things'. If I did, I wouldn't be writing._

The doctors had told her she shouldn't do this to herself. Leave it, they would tell her. Wait a while. It's not important right now.

But it had to be done. The way she saw it? Take it like a bandaid. Quick, painful as all hell, but it was over before you could yell in pain or torture yourself more by playing around the edges.

He'd be fine soon. The age when she figured out that she didn't just like boys. In fact, she wanted girls more. But even at five, she knew that wasn't right. So she hid it until the first day of kindergarten.

That was when Brittany saw Santana for the first time.

And suddenly, it all made sense in her head. The two were inseparable. They played on the monkey bars and Santana would always push her on the swing. They had sleepovers, tons of them.

"Mommy?" A tiny voice shot through the dark.

Brittany dried her eyes and closed the box in front of her.

"Mommy? Are you okay?" More impatience.

"Mommy! Please answer me!" Panic.

She stood up and quickly scooped him up.

"Emmanuel, did grandma drop you off?"

"Yes, Mommy." His eyes were filled with tears. God, they looked like Santana's.

"She didn't come in?" She was annoyed.

"Grammy saw your car." He looked into the girl's eyes again. "You were thinking about Mama, again, weren't you?"

She half smiled.

"Manny, do you want to know about your Mama?"

The small boy nodded. He smiled and tightened his grip on her, in order to be carried instead of set down. He was probably considered too old for that, but she didn't care.

The pair walked over to the bed in the center of the room. As she set him down on it gently, he scrambled to the pillows and made himself comfortable. Britt followed, cuddling up next to him and pulling him in.

"Are you ready, Emmanuel?"

He nodded. She swallowed.

**_By the time I was your age, I'd give anything To fall in love truly, was all I could think That's when I met your mother, the girl of my dreams The most beautiful woman, that I'd ever seen She said, "Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?I can't help but notice, you're staring at me. I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me "Now son, I'm only telling you this...Because life, can do terrible things_**

"Do you remember anything about you mom?" She asked cautiously. The boy's eyes were damp.

"No."

She sighed. Her stomach hurt.

"Really?"

"I remember how she smelled. Like coffee and perfume."

Brittany gasped a little.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" Manny looked up.

"Nothing, baby, nothing. Do you wanna hear about her now?"

"Yeah, mommy, yeah."

"Do you know how we met?"

Brittany went on and on about the two of them. How they met, how beautiful Santana was, how they became friends as easy as breathing. Simply, effortlessly.

"Mommy?"

"Emmanuel?"

"I get that you guys were friends and all, but when did you really. You know. Um. Start being in love, I guess?" The child blushed.

Britt thought for a moment.

"Well,, that was when we were in the choir room one day during Glee Club."

He nodded, as if he even knew what that was.

Brittany's eyes watered. It had been years since she thought about it. The day when Santana pulled Britt into her and said: "Are you going to ask me out or not?"

Manny smiled, asking. "Did you, Mommy?"

"I did."

He smiled again. "Did you love her?"

"Well, she thought I did. Actually, she knew I did. Right from the start."

"But ~did you?"

"Of course I did." Brittany smiled. "She was perfect."

"Then what happened?"

**_Now most of the time, we'd had too much to drink And we'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything Too young to notice, and too dumb to care Love was a story, that couldn't compare I said, "Girl, can I tell you a wonderful thing? I made you a present with paper and with care now, I'm asking you, know that I love you, will you marry me?"_**

"Well we hung out a lot. We were a secret at first. Because as much as she wanted to be with me, she wasn't ready for people to know."

That was true, to a point, she thought to herself. They were both terrified. It felt like if they came out, it would ruin what they had. They would drink, sitting in the park. Santana would sit away from Brittany at first, tending to be scared to be close in public. But it was always a silent promise that they would end up in Brittany's bed by the end of the night…

"Mommy?" Her son's voice broke through her thoughts.

"Sorry, baby."

"What did you and mama do when you were together?"

"We'd talk. A lot. She'd tell me about her grandma, her family, and how scared she was. She'd tell me everything."

"Why do girls do that?" Emmanuel giggled. The same dimples that indented his face matched Santana's perfectly.

"Because that's what girls do."

"When did you guys get married?" He said, snuggling back into Brittany.

"Well we were still in high school. Did you know that?" His head shook before the question was fully out.

"Well we did. I asked her after we went to Nationals. She was a senior, I was a junior. But I had decided to graduate early to be with her." She thought for a moment. "I was cheesy, saying all the things I'd thought forever."

"What did you give her, Mommy? A ring?"

"Lord Tubbington and I made her a box out of paper and he helped me tie the ring up with string."

"Who's that?"

"My cat." She smiled again, and he giggled next to her.

"Did she say yes?"

"Mhmmm. Not at first though." Santana had needed time to process. Time to be ready to be completely out. She was so sensitive, so much more than anyone but Britt saw.

"Why?" He asked, eyes wide.

"Because Mama was scared."

"Why?" Still questioning eyes searched her.

"Because she was scared, Manny." She could feel her breaths shorten. "More scared than I ever knew."

**_Now son, I'm only telling you this...Because life, can do terrible things You'll learn, one day, I'll hope and I'll pray That God, shows you differently She said, "Boy can I tell you, a terrible thing? It seems that I'm sick and I've only got , don't be sad now, I really believe You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me"_**

Her eyes were soaking wet. She pulled their son into her arms tightly and tried to compose herself.

"Were you happy with Mama?" Pure honestly rang through.

"Emmanuel Lopez Pierce? Your mother made me the happiest I had ever known. She brought me to a place that I could never have found on my own."

They spent four years together. They spent every moment of Nationals, graduation, college, having Manny. Emmanuel was Santana's baby, adopted by Britt. They had made the decision slowly, trying to decide between who would be the biological mom.

Brittany wanted Santana. She wanted her wide to feel the love of that son in a whole different way. San always seemed so sad. So empty. It was like she never got past the rejection of her grandmother.

Even once Manny was born, Santana seemed distant, confused even. The words that were spit at them hurt her more than Britt could ever understand.

She never knew it got as bad as it was.

"Mommy? What happened to her?"

Brittany looked at him. Brown eyes, dark hair, prominent dimples. Not nearly six yet. Too young. Too fragile.

'Mommy, please tell me."

"I don't know what happened, baby."

"Yes you do. Please, please tell me."

"She was sick, Emmanuel."

"What did she have, Mommy? A cold?" He asked, voice gruff.

"Yeah. She had. A very serious cold."

That was enough for him. He didn't ask any more, he didn't even seem to want to know anymore. She knew he'd want to know the truth someday. Knew that he'd know it wasn't just a cold.

But it was a cold. It was her being cold. Empty.

How was Brittany supposed to tell their son that his mother killed herself? That she couldn't stay alive for her family. Their family.

Brittany's eyes stung. She had found Santana one night. Manny was just a baby, small enough to sleep through it all. She had taken the contents of three bottles of antidepressants. Enough to kill five people, even. She was laying effortlessly in their bed. She had left a note for Britt, claiming that she loved her, telling her not to be sad. That she needed to be strong for Emmanuel. For their son.

San had claimed that Brittany had saved her. That she had given her a second chance, a future even. A child, a home, love. Everything she could have wanted.

"Why are you crying, Mommy? Are you okay?"

The blonde wiped her eyes, smearing make up all over her sleeve.

"Baby, I love you."

And she meant it. They boy was every good piece that Brittany saw in her wife. Every beautiful thing that was in Santana, was in her son.

"Mommy?" Little hands trying to shake her.

**_Slow, so slow I fell to the ground, on my knees __So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose If given the choice, then, I'm begging you, choose To walk away, walk away, don't let her get you. I can't bear to see the same happen to you._**

They buried her together. Brittany had refused to allow Manny to be at the wake. He was too young. Too impressionable to see that. But he was at the funeral.

Her heart ached. More than it had since she found San. More than when Emmanuel woke up screaming for his Mama and not her. Her body ached.

"Mom?"

"Manny?" She tried to get out around her tears.

"You loved her, right?"

She thought for a moment.

" I loved your mother more than anything, but.."

"But what, Mommy?" Wide brown eyes.

"If I knew your Mama was going to leave, I don't know if I could've stayed."

"But you loved her."

"Of course." His eyes dropped a little.

"Then.. Then why?"

"That's for another time, baby. Time for bed."

"No!" He yelled. "I want to hear more now."

"Another time, Emmanuel."

He slouched in her arms. She knew she had won.

She carried him to his room slowly, holding him close. He was fast asleep before they even got to his bed. Brittany set him down lightly, pulling his clothes off and replacing them with his favorite pajamas. He didn't even stir. Santana would've been so proud. She tucked him in, and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I love you, Emmanuel."

The boy didn't move, but she kept speaking.

"In time, you'll be old enough to know the truth. Your mama broke my heart when she took herself out of out lives." She breathed heavily. "I never want you to feel this way."

Brittany stood up and walked out of the racecar themed room her wide had painted. She stole one last glance eat her son. Their son. He was a perfect five year old replica of San. Her eyes began to drip again.

She paced back to her bedroom and laid down on the bed. He body shook with her failed attempts at breaths. She wiped her eyes as quickly as the tears fell on her sleeves.

Their bed was cold. Empty.

It reminded Brittany of everything they had.

And everything the terrible things had taken away.


End file.
